Who's inside?
Mom has declined to the point of not being able to communicate at all. She can't support her own weight. She eats very little, and only if someone puts food in her mouth. She took a little Ensure yesterday, not much.
Notwithstanding her apparent lack of awareness, something interesting happened. She was laying in her bed groaning. She does that much of the time. I'm sure it relates to her level of discomfort. Kathy was sitting next to the bed and answered the phone. It was Colleen calling from Colorado. Kathy put the phone to mom's ear. As soon as Colleen started to talk, mom calmed down and quit moaning. Her whole body became more restful in appearance. Within a few moments of Kathy taking the phone from her ear, mom began moaning again.
So how much understanding was there? I don't know. What I do know is that there was some level of awareness; whether that level was full awareness or not is insignificant. It demonstrates that visiting and showing my love for her through touching and talking is important to her well being. It also demonstrates that my mother is still inside, trapped in a failing body.
One might ask, what is the purpose of mom going through this? Why would God let her suffer so? There are many lessons to be learned. Perhaps she needs to learn he lesson of accepting service or seeing how much her children love her. Perhaps we each need to learn the lesson of patience and service above self. Maybe it isn't a lesson to be learned at all. Maybe dad just needs time to adjust to being without mom after 60 years together.
Dad's slowly coming to terms with the idea that he won't get her back in this life. He asked me yesterday if we could put her in the hospital so she could get better. I told him that it wouldn't help, that she isn't going to get better. We have this conversation most days. Dad's grief is the saddest part of this dying process.